Real-Life Obligations…For Who?

I’m not sure if I even should be writing this, but at this point, I am completely over it! I am so stressed that I can’t even express how I feel right now so here it goes.

I am broke. Like flatline broke. Like, don’t have savings broke. Like I am drowning broke. Now I know that there are a lot of people in the same boat, but I feel like mine is a little particular. I am the eldest of 4 with parents who are getting down in age which literally equals to: It is my time to step up. Now I am in my mid-twenties, with still no full direction in life, and I am now needed to be in a state of financial stability.

But, I am nowhere there. I am a freelance writer who is barely able to keep a gig a month, barely able to keep up with all the payments for student loans and all the bills. And between all the other jobs that I have, I still can’t completely fend for myself. I currently live at home because financially it makes more sense. How will I be able to come up and cover anything?

My father is one of my biggest supporters and calls me to always check-in. However, these calls at times make my anxiety climb. These calls are a constant reminder that I am living on borrowed time. Eventually, that fake stability that I scrape together will fall apart and I will be left in the ocean with the sharks.

But what really scares me more is the fact that I won’t fall alone. More and more I realize the scary reality that I am still unstable and I am not making enough to be able to balance all that my parents have provided. being that I am the eldest, I have no other lifeline but myself. This whole situation feels like I am a lemon being squeezed.

I am sure there are many out there who can actually relate to this stifling feeling of fear, hopelessness, and god awful self-loathing, We are all trying to find our way through society, and yet end up with responsibilities that we did not come in this world with! we are all trying to keep our heads above the water and trying to navigate where the nearest island might be.

I truly don’t know if there is a real solution for all this, but I know one thing, that I am going to fight like my life depends on it. I know that society has been dealing me a bad hand, but I refuse to stay at the bottom. No matter how tiring this journey might be or how much pressure is applied, I still owe it to my parents for getting me this far. I will find a way to fulfill the obligations set because quite frankly, my parents did. So what am I going to do? I am going to keep grinding and working until there is a breakthrough because simply there is no there way.

5 thoughts on “Real-Life Obligations…For Who?

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  1. It’s great that you’re choosing to fight instead of let circumstances dictate your life. As someone who’s been broke, and has seen light at the end of the tunnel through writing, I just thought I’d drop by to spur you on. You got this.

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    1. Thank you so much for leaving this comment! I really am trying to make real changes in my life, and follow through with my dreams. I always believe in a healthy balance. All I have to do is find it!

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  2. I totally understand how you feel. I just turned 20 this year and I’m still under my parents’ care but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about what happens when I have to fend for myself. What makes it worse, I literally have no idea what I’m going to do with myself so it makes it all the more scary. However, like you, I’m also trying my best to make some plans and figure things out. You got this alright, you’re going to get through this

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    1. Thank you so much for reading my post! Yeah, sometimes life really makes you scared of what is to come so much so that you forget to celebrate what is right in front of you! Let’s try to celebrate while looking forward to the big wins that will come!

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